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Learn to recognize and protect yourself from the People Who Play God.
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Text and Artwork:
Copyright © 2007 Beth E Peterson. All rights reserved.
I have been asked a number of times how someone can know if they are involved with a
manipulator or an ultra-authority.
Most of the people who have asked this question were specifically concerned with one-on-one
relationships which they felt were questionable, and possibly extremely manipulative or
ultra-authoritarian in nature. Because of these concerns, I have developed the following
behavioral inventory. It is mainly geared toward one-on-one ultra-authoritarian relationships,
but can easily be adapted by the reader to assess a relationship with a group or a leader.
Please note that these questions all relate to behavior...not motivation, circumstance, or beliefs.
In order to assess the relationship accurately, you must be willing to answer these questions completely
honestly, and with no excuses for either party. The more questions you answer in the affirmative,
the greater the chance is that you are involved with an extreme manipulator or ultra-authority.
For the purposes of this inventory, the possible manipulator is referred to
as "A". Except where otherwise directed, make a checkmark on a piece of paper for each YES answer.
1.____ When "A" suddenly appears without warning, do you flinch or do your muscles tighten or tense?
2.____ When "A" appears in the room with you, do you automatically scan their body language to gage their mood?
3.____ Do you usually try to avoid arguments with "A" at all costs?
4.____ Do you speak differently to other people when "A" is around, as opposed to when "A" is not?
5.____ Does your posture change when "A" enters the room you are in?
6.____ Has anyone outside of your relationship with "A" commented on the negative qualites of your relationship?
7.____ Do you avoid certain subjects of conversation because "A" does not like them?
8.____ (For this question, make a checkmark if the answer is NO) When you see "A" unexpectedly, do you find yourself smiling and relaxed?
9.____ Do you drink, do binge eating, perform self-punishing actions, or do drugs, or desire to, when confronted by "A"s expressions of displeasure...or even just think you might be?
10.____ Does "A" exhibit jealous behavior or make statements of jealousy when you are near any other person/people?
11.____ (For this question, make a checkmark if the answer is NO) Do you have as many friends as you used to, before you and "A" got together?
12.____ Have you ever considered leaving the relationship with "A", but felt you could not face the consequences?
13.____ Has anyone outside of your relationship with "A" commented on your own behavior/mood since becoming involved with "A", as in stating that you used to be much happier, lively, vivacious, etc.?
14.____ (For this question, make a checkmark if the answer is NO) Does "A" like to go to parties or to other social events with you, expressing enjoyment through smiling at, gently touching and/or caressing you?
15.____ (For this question, make a checkmark if the answer is NO) Are you involved in as many clubs, social events, hobbies or sports as you were before you and "A" became involved?
16.____ (For this question, make a checkmark if the answer is NO) Have you maintained, at the same level of friendliness, the relationships you had before becoming involved with "A"?
17.____ Do you sometimes begin an argument with "A", just to get it over with?
18.____ (For this question, make a checkmark if the answer is NO) Does "A" actively encourage you to develop new friendships outside of your relationship?
19.____ Has anyone outside of your relationship with "A" commented on "A"s behavior as being excessive or out of line?
20.____ When you or "A" has been at work, are there signs of physical tension, (such as tightened shoulder, jaw, or neck muscles; headache; fatigue; upset stomach or intestinal cramping, etc.) at the thought of going home/"A" returning home from work?
21.____ Has "A" ever said, "Look what you made me do!" in an angry, blaming way?
22.____ Does "A" almost always make the decision on the activities you share, such what TV shows are watched or what restaurants are gone to?
23.____ Has "A" ever made declarations that they will change, but their actions remain the same?
24.____ (For this question, make a checkmark if the answer is NO) Does "A" act as loving/caring/considerate towards you now as they did when you first met?
25.____ Has "A" ever hit you or made a threatening gesture as if they might hit you?
26.____ Does "A" habitually refer to things as "mine" which are normally held in common? Such as, "my house", "my children", "my car", and so on.
27.____ Has "A" assumed control over your money? (This could be directly, such as by taking control over checking and savings accounts, or indirectly such as through excessive spending of or 'borrowing' of your own or household funds.)
28.____ Has "A" ever called you names or made demeaning remarks about you to other people?
29.____ Has "A" ever threatened or actually sought to destroy something you care for or love such as a pet, a memento, personal items/clothing, books, etc.?
30.____ Has "A" ever become angry or aggressive when you have talked with, looked at, or given attention to a person other than "A"?
31.____ Has "A" ever told you that it is your fault they are angry with you, that they have to come down as the 'heavy', and/or that they have to punish you?
32.____ Do you tell yourself that the 'real' "A", the loving/caring/giving "A", is there inside, and that you just need to keep looking past the surface?
33.____ Has "A" ever called you names or made demeaning remarks about you to your face?
34.____ Has "A" blamed you or made you responsible for things you have no control over? Such as the behavior of other people, their own behavior, or events which you could not control?
35.____ If "A" found out that you had taken this inventory, would "A" verbally (or otherwise) thrash you and/or angrily demand to know why?
SCORING:
Count up the number of checkmarks, then click the appropriate link below for further information.
0-3: Doing Pretty Well
4-10: There Are Some Things To Take Care Of
11-17: Walk Very Carefully & Get Help
18-25: Get Help & Get Free
26-35: Danger Surrounds You